Let Reality Be Reality
We suffer when we desire that things be different from the way they actually are. When we resist the reality of our life, we suffer. When we argue with or fight against what is in our life, we experience pain. Suffering and pain are not attached to events but rather are caused by the way we see the events, what we make them to mean and the thoughts that we have about them. When we resist and fail to accept what is happening, when we think the circumstances of our life should be other than the way they are in reality, emotional turmoil, pain and suffering are the inevitable consequences. In addition to this, we block the natural flow of life, we cut ourselves off from the guidance of our soul, we hold ourselves back and prevent new and wonderful beginnings from entering our life.
Life provided me with an opportunity to truly appreciate this principle to a greater degree than ever before. When my ex-wife suggested that we should end our marriage some years back, I was absolutely stunned. I didn’t see that coming at all. It was a complete bombshell. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had never contemplated not being with her. I had always envisaged us spending our entire lives together. What happened to ‘till death do us part’? For the next few weeks, I resisted the idea whole-heartedly and as a result I was consumed by a deep sadness that I have never experienced before. I couldn’t think about anything else. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t function. I was suffering intensely because I was resisting the reality of the situation. The reality was that my ex-wife no longer wanted to be in the marriage. The problem was that this didn’t conform to my plans. I resisted. I refused to accept what was happening and as such, I suffered.
But with every crisis, comes an opportunity for new blessings. After the initial denial, I was observing myself and my reaction to the situation and I saw so clearly that by resisting what was happening, I was creating my own pain and suffering. The suffering was unbearable. Finally, after much thought, I decided to stop resisting my situation and let reality be reality. Fighting and resisting not only didn’t change anything, more importantly, it was only causing me pain. In that moment of non-resistance, in that moment of complete acceptance and surrender, something truly extraordinary happened. I dropped beneath the emotional turmoil on the surface and I found a profound and overwhelming sense of peace. The irony was, I actually felt happier being unmarried than being married. All the pains, sadness and sufferings dissolved and I was engulfed by a still tranquil peace.
In the days and weeks that followed, I kept watch over my thoughts. I noticed that when I was accepting and flowing with what had happened, I was at peace and every time I began to resist, I suffered. When I didn’t resist my situation by thinking that it should be other than the way it was, I felt good. When I had thoughts like, ‘I can’t believe this is happening’ and ‘We are supposed to be together forever’, I felt bad. It became clearer and clearer that it was not the event itself, the separation, that was painful but rather it was the way I thought about the separation that produced the pain. So, I carefully monitored my thoughts. I practised being present, I stopped projecting my thoughts into the future, thinking about what might have been and reflecting on the past about what could have been. When I was present in the moment, there was peace.
This experience demonstrated to me that we can be at peace regardless of our outer circumstances if we accept what has happened and practise non-resistance. If we bend and move with life and allow it to move us to where we need to be, pain and suffering cannot survive. When things don’t go according to our plans, we must practise surrendering to the will of our soul. When we stop to resist what is happening, when we no longer mind what happens, we experience the peace that opens us to new and wonderful opportunities that we could never have envisaged. The new beginning that I have experienced would not have been possible if I had failed to accept the event that arose. If I had resisted the change, I would still be stuck and suffering. Instead I have seen a whole new and exciting path open in front of me.
When we are able to accept and go with the changes that occur in our life, instead of resisting them, we demonstrate our faith in the magnificent of the universe. Trust that everything which occurs, whether pleasurable or painful, whether part of your plan or not, is ultimately designed to benefit and help you. Surrender to life. Accept your circumstances. Bend, move and flow with the winds of change in your life and allow yourself to be guided to where you need to be. Find the benefits, uncover how you can use the situations to help you grow and learn and do the best you can with whatever is occurring. Let reality be reality and your suffering and pain will cease to exist.
23:36
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